Public Apology

Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

I lost a good friend. No, I lost a great friend a few months ago. In the midst of all the frustration going on in my own life I vehemently lashed out. To be honest, this isn’t the first time I pushed, but it was the first time the door has remained closed for so long. Now I sit in the throes of confusion and I don’t know if I should open it. I wonder if the twins’, anger and pain have taken root like wild weeds in an untended garden and wiped out all the thriving buds of love that used to sprout.

I, more than anyone else, understand the power of an immediate apology when dealing with the human heart. For sure I could go on and on about what the other person did, but I won’t because I am accountable for what I did and what I said only. That is what a real apology is; it doesn’t blame or point the finger outward—but inward. I don’t even remember the argument, but I do remember being prideful. Oh so very prideful and angry. Did you know that pride is mentioned in the Bible over fifty times. It is usually surrounded by words like stubborn, downfall, arrogance, and fool. I don’t want to be associated with such negative connotations, not even by an enemy and definitly not by my friend. Nonetheless, I stubbornly wore my pride around my shoulders which ultimately led to the downfall of my friendship. I was a fool.

You know, I can proudly claim that I have many, many wonderful and supportive friends. What a lucky woman I am to be loved and accepted by so many. Yet, the loss of just one saddens me, because someone is no longer here. A person that has been a staple in my life for years is missing, not a shoe, not my favorite perfume, not an unmatched sock in the dryer, not my car keys—but a living entity. As I write this apology, a childhood rhyme comes to my mind. Forget you, forgot you. Never thought about you. That rhyme couldn’t be farther from the truth. I do think about you—all the time. I remember you. I see you in photographs and sigh deeply. I wonder how you are. Do you have exciting happenings going on in your life that I don't know about? I want to tell you about mine. I need your help. I want to offer my assistance to you. I want us to celebrate together. I want to hear you roar with laughter at my sarcastic sense of humor. I need your advice, encouragement, and prayers. I want to cry on your shoulder because my tears feel so lonely seeping into my pillow alone. I want you in my life again. Whatever I was so angry about seems insignificant when held in comparison to the things that I now miss about you.

You know me. You know the whole spiel about me. The real truth about me. What I’ve been through. Where I want to go and why I need to do the things I am doing. I never have to explain myself to you. I miss that. I miss you. All I remember seeing was your back when I closed the door and now I want to face you so that I can replace that memory.

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I am sorry and please accept my public apology.

Am I standing alone here or can you (you reading this right now) relate to me? You see, I was going to write the name of the person that this post was written for. By the time I finished writing it, I realized that I am not the only one that needs to offer an apology. So, I invite you to share this post and be reconciled. Get your friend back or your brother, your sister ...

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