The Trials of Raising a Man...Pt I

By the time my words meet reality
You are already a man to be
Great king in the making
I have given you all of me
Merely a woman,
Pouring until there is nothing left
Run with this opportunity...
Aspire High. Stand tall
You are a Man.
Lean on my shoulders,
When you doubt what to do
Know Mom will pray
but, You should too
and, let God guide you
I love you!
Raising J, is the most beautiful, arduous task I have ever had the pleasure of performing. So many times I've wanted to give up, because I wasn't getting my way, or better yet my desired result. But who would be there to build him up, the way only a mother can. I'm still confused, but I look at the vision of what I think a man is, and build towards that... to date I have a great son. I mean, if I don't think he's great who would, or more importantly...would he?

Everyday I watch him grow just a little bit more. He ventures a little bit farther away. It won't be long now, I think to myself. He no longer holds on to my belt loop, every once in a while he looks over his shoulder for Mommy's approval. Whew, that was close, my baby, my son, my man child, he still needs me. I hug myself gently, but sooner than I can imagine I will be all I have. We are both preparing for the parting. I do not want him to be so attached, that he would stay. I believe that men must know how to make their own way in this world. There are no exceptions, no excuses are allowed for men.

He is changing so fast, I race to keep up. Allowing him to change begins with me. So, I've begun with the way I talk to him. The way I treat him. I have to be mindful of his self-esteem, his dreams, and the way he sees me, the first lady of his life. Am I the woman I want him to bring home to me? Just one of those things I think about frequently.

Sometimes when we clown around, I feel his strength. His power growing, and he notices amazed at himself. But wait my son, I see you are taller than me and developing quickly but please do not forget I am the boss. I remind him more often now than ever. I am your mother, your sole provider and somewhere way down the line, your friend. To me, it's like mixing business with pleasure... once you cross the line, it's hell getting your professionalism back. Of course spankings and frequent chastisings are out of the question at this point, he is huge. I win only when I challenge his mind to think reasonably and appeal to his sensitive side. More explanations are necessary, but I'm glad he trusts me enough to ask ME. I have moved from talking to him to conversing with him. And more God is imperative.

Some things I have to repeat like a broken record. I allow him to misplace them in his busy mind, these lessons, only because I know...that like me in my youth, he will remember later and aren't those jewels from Grandma more precious, more meaningful today than ever.. It's funny how the right words come back just when you need them most. My son will be no exception.

  • Know God for yourself, one day you will have to cover your family!
  • Mom is in charge. Period
  • When I say failure... he finishes not an option. Exactly!
  • You are a leader, might as well get used to it and start now
  • Be gentle with little kids, you were once that small
  • Be a friend to the friendless, we all share this future
  • Men shouldn't talk about people or gossip, it's a sign of weakness & insecurity. Do you know who you are, well that's all that matters.
  • Did you hear the instructions, or do you like running around in circles
  • Are we a team, or two separate entities, well let's get on the same page
  • Never give me a gift that is not wrapped, his wife will appreciate that ;)
  • You are smart, You are beautiful, if you believe it so will everyone else
  • What do you want to do, then do it
  • If you don't practice/prepare, you will fail is that the result you want
  • I know you don't have your own Dad, it's that much more important that you be what you never had, especially since you know what it feels like.
  • Everything I am not, you can be let Mom's mistakes give you a head start
  • Don't lie, it opens the door to theft, murder, cheating, etc, none of which are Mommy supported activities
  • Don't just say ok, what is your opinion? Have one and Stand on it
  • Pay attention to what is going on around you, It's not all about you
  • I don't want to hear any excuses, or complaints unless you need my opinion and/or have thought about a resolution
  • Who said no again? Well, who the hell is that?
  • In life you get what you deserve. Do you think you deserve this?
  • Character is hard to repair, once flawed publicly, even at home
  • Sometimes Mom has it ALL wrong, please accept my apology. I am a woman trying to raise a Great man...
But as I interpret the bible to say, train up a child in the way he should go... Isn't he already a child, and hasn't he mastered being a child? Therefore, aren't my instructions to train him up to be a least I'm trying..the best I can as a woman!

Fellas, Us ladies would really love your feedback on this one.


Anonymous said...

I Love it Nakia and i agree totally, and i teach my sons every thing on your lists but to add to your list for raising a man

You are the son of a king and with his guidance and my prayers you will understand what it means to be the head and not the tail

You have to sacrifice what you love in order to get what you need. God sacrificed his only son that he loved because we needed salvation.

When you hate something hate it enough not to become it
A man's word is his bond let your yes be yes and your no be no
Remember how it feels to be hurt and sad and try not to ever make anyone else feel that way.

Thanks for the reminder,
Keep on sharing your gifts...
Love you..


Jakia Woods said...

I left a comment but it somehow got deleted. Hurry up and get your book out. You are AWESOME!!! When reading this piece, I immediately thought of my brother and how I wish my mother knew how to instruct and encourage her son to be the talented successful King that he is. Instead she just tore him down. Thanks for ending that cycle and loving J so much that he sees only success in his future. He knows that that is all his mom will accept so he has to live up to her expectations. You are truly a gift. I'm taking notes so when it's time for me to have and raise a King the ride won't be so bumpy, I will have your map to help me reach OUR destination. Love ya girl--Jakia

Tamika said...

Hej Nakia,

Your piece so awesome!

I thank God for your gift and for blessing the rest of the world.

You are an inspiration in so many ways. I pray J will all that he dreams to be, all that God has pre-destined and all remember that his Mother was an example of how to achieve both.

Blessings from Sweden!

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing Mom and your son is proof of that!

Anonymous said...

Kisha here:
I love your blog!!
God is amazing, he creates realtionships that provide many gifts and opportunities for growth.
Ya know, It (what ever "It" may be)like paint, flows down, he is a reflection of you, seeing and experiencing the world thru his own color palette. Good Job, Mamma.

Nadia said...

I'm not raising a son yet, but I will be soon and that was a GREAT message! As a mom this was not only a good read for a son, but also good for daughters too! As I read this I began to think about all the things I try to teach my girls and it is hard to get them to understand, but I'll have to use my patients and hope that the things I'm teaching them will stick with them in the future...

Ang D said...


Loved how you looked right into my heart and wrote down the exact thoughts I feel about Kirk. Great job!


Frank Wade said...

My mother was all we had growing up. You are on the right track for sure. I was raised along with 3 other brothers. We all grew taller than our mother. I remember that collage of Mother/Father, Friend/Parent, Discipline/Comforter; and looking back it was good for me. You will be his example for most of the meaningful relationships in his life. The more "good things" you pour into him; the more autonomous he will become. It's sort of like being Superman; the better his character, ideals, emotions, knowledge base etc. The farther he will go/grow in life. On the flip side: There is not alot you will be able to do about his manhood. That he will pretty much develop on his own; without a male role model, is what I'm speaking of. Offer guidance, but don't be afraid to let him make mistakes. Sometimes mistakes lead to better wisdom in the future. Think I've said enough for now ;-)
Take care,

Anonymous said...

Nakia this is great! You always just have and know the right things to say. God has really blessed you with a wonderful talent and it is motivation for others to start using their God given talents without being affraid of the unknown.You are a positive light and I am so blessed to be able to call you a "FRIEND". Keep up the wonderful work and I look forward to many more.


Melba said...

Nakia, It is such a blessing to have you as a Daughter, I truely love your inspirational writing and words of encouragement, I know your writings will assist me with helping to raise your nephews to become the kings they should be and also with helping your niece become the queen that she should be, I am so blessed in so many ways and God knows in my heart that in this life time that I know it is not all about me but helping my family that really need me now and to be honest I need them too.
I love you!
Your Mom.

Nakia, a Social Butterfly said...

Thanks for all of you feedback! I see some very interesting things being said here, and for sure a little inspiration for me. Frank, us women-folk appreciate you leaving us a golden egg. "he will have to learn manhood on his own." As much as I want to give him pointers on manhood, i cannot. Morals, character, God & Love is all I got. What do I know about manhood? If I had a clue earlier on in life, well we just maaay not be in this just Mommy & J situation now. lol, that's another blog I won't get into right now. Being a Choosey Chooser!

Nicola Olivarez said...

Did you hear the instructions, or do you like running around in circles?

This is quite possibly the best thing I have read in a good while!

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing the same way, again and again, expecting a different outcome! He would know! Most in his field would know.

Nakia, if your son doesn't turn out beautiful and strong in body, mind, spirit and soul, it will not be because you didn't give him every tool by which to become so. What a wonderful children the "free stuff"...the most valuable stuff...our words, our wisdom, our trust. Words are powerful and they are free!! You are doing an amazing job! :-)

Anonymous said...

Great piece. I enjoyed reading about your passion raising your son. Please visit when you get a moment. Also check out our new book "Raising Him Alone."

All the best,

David Miller

Mizrepresent said...

This was wonderful and very enlightening...i too am raising a son alone and i am trying to do all i can to make sure he is the man that i know he can become. I truly loved this and have taken notes, there is much i have shared with him, much i have taught him, but i know i am not perfect so wherever i find wisdom...i apply.

Nakia, a Social Butterfly said...

You know what. Nicola is so right! If, and I'm not big on if'n: our boys don't turn out to be everything we have poured into them.. It's not because we didn't try! I'm running with that!Hmm..