So as the day changes and the seasons slip lazily over me, so do my priorities.
Someone recently told me they felt like I seemed very disgusted by a situation in which I initially felt very passionate about. He thought I’d given up because I detached myself from it. Yes, initially I felt strongly about the situation; however it seemed to be a situation I didn’t think I could win, or more importantly cared to win.
I walked around it. I fantasized about all the possible outcomes in my head. I analyzed what I really wanted out of it.
Can I do it? Yes, with a lot of time and effort.
Do I really want it? I want it for the sake of conquer. I want it because the naysayers said I couldn’t. I want it slightly, but not so much. There are things I’d love to have more than this.
What am I willing to lose for something I (the most important person) don’t want so much? Good question and the deeper I think about it, the answer is nothing.
In the end, a change in priority was necessary. I prefer to put my energy into battles that I have a real shot at winning. I prefer to allot my efforts into battles that mean something to ME. It was not disgust that gave me a new attitude, but quite the opposite. It was acceptance. I know myself better than anyone else. I know my limitations better than anyone else. I know my reality better than anyone else. I understand that I can’t win everything all the time. Nor, do I have a burning desire for some things. I am not at all saying let the fear of defeat sink everything that truly means something to you. It is only defeat if it is a thing that I, Nakia R. Laushaul desired and didn’t go after. It is only defeat if it is a thing that you, Dear Reader desired and didn’t go after.
I will let go. Can I ask you to let go also? Let go of unnecessary battles that threaten to pull you down, that threaten to snatch you away from your real dreams. Let go of battles you don’t even know the true meaning of anymore. Let’s not risk losing 5 apples in trying to maintain a good grip on 1 rotten apple just for the sake of “having” it. For the sake of raising the flag that says I Did It, I Won, only to discover you won the Last Place Booby Prize.