You Are 99.99% NOT THE FATHER

Well, Father’s Day is rolling around. The shelves are stocked at Wal-Mart with the best sentiments that Hallmark has to offer. You know those very special greetings for those who care to send the very best to their wonderful father.

Many poems have been written to explain,
How a mother's love can soothe the pain.
But little has been said about a Father's concern, think it must be his turn. – author unknown

Have you ever wondered why, not one single card says, Mother, thank you for being my Father! No, it’s not a slight against single mother’s dear friends. By an overwhelming result, it has been confirmed that You Are (insert drum roll) 99.99% NOT THE FATHER. That’s right, you, yes you, the beautiful woman wearing the dress, MAC lip gloss, and stilettos, are not the father. Wow! That should come as a great relief to you, especially since it’s a tough job being a mommy all by its wonderful and overwhelming self.

It is genetically impossible for you to father a child that you so lovingly mothered . . and why would you want to. The mommy benefits are much better!

You received your kudos on Mother’s Day, be happy with that. Stop textin’ all your single mama girlfriends that are doing what they have to do, Happy Father’s Day. It is not a day to slap high 5’s in celebration that your children do not have their father in their life. I know that I am a single mother raising a great man, bringing home the bacon, and frying it up in the pan. I know. Everybody knows! Doing it all and alone at that, does not make me, my son’s father. It only makes me exhausted. So exhausted that I do not feel like deleting tons of Power to the Mama text messages at the crack of dawn on Father’s Day. Please allow me to sleep in late; I can for sure miss one holiday, especially since it does not have my name on it.

Don’t you have enough to do without having to be daddy too?

As a woman, I don’t have the slightest clue what men talk to their sons about, or teach their daughters for that matter, as I also suffered from lack-o-daddy syndrome, myself. The latter has made me painfully aware of the importance of father figures in both male and female children. I read a lot of books and ask a lot of questions and miss a lot of important things because I am ill equipped (physically & mentally) to be anybody’s father. I love being a mother; I know and accept my limitations as a mother and simply shoot to be the best I can be. I play my position. My son just has to deal with it—Mom is it! I teach him what I know and leave the rest to the wonderful men in our lives. I am extremely confident in the job that I am doing—I don’t need the extra reminders on Father's Day. You know, I must be doing a pretty good job playing my position, because my Mother’s Day cards say so! Father’s Day is not about me. I am not the father. I am 100% the Mother!

If you can’t let one holiday skip without celebrating something, in lieu of sending me a Father’s Day message, try this:

1. Write a list of all the positive male influences in your child’s life and send those fellas a warm and fuzzy Father’s Day Card. They deserve it. Let the good guys that are working hard to raise their children and putting in time with yours have a wonderful day minus us womenfolk attempting to take it over with bitterness. For one day, celebrate what is good and right in real Fathers.

2. Sit down and talk to your son & daughters. Explain the importance of him being the father that he never had. Point out positive images of father’s as well as the alternative. He should know the difference and explain the repercussions—they are dire. If your son thinks his Mom can play Daddy, what are the chances that he will think his wife can do it without him?

3. Have a heart to heart with a man in your network (your father, son, brother, uncle, cousin, neighbor, etc.) that is not taking care of his children. By not saying anything, you are inadvertently condoning and covering up for his foolishness! Send him that text message you were going to send me. Simply say, “Your children need you. How can I help you be a better Dad?” Stand in the gap!

4. Have a heart to heart with a woman (your mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, etc.) in your circle that is selfishly preventing her child’s father from being the father that he was called by God to be. If he is not a danger to her or his children, tell her to put her love on ice for Mr. It's Over and keep it moving. Let that man do his job! I know she said that she doesn’t need him, but his children do.

5. Don't go around wishing a man that does not recognize, care for, or acknowledge his own children, Happy Father’s Day! No way should he get silver cufflinks or breakfast in bed for donating sperm to the cause. The cause being higher crime, poverty, and juvenile delinquency. Have you ever heard of Hallmark selling a card that read, Happy Deadbeat Day? Until then he gets nada.

This Father’s Day, send the very best to those doing the very best.

In honor of Dad’s that we have been able to count on in our past and present!
Happy Father’s Day *Pastor R. Wright* Pastor P. Powell*Maurice Hawkins*Jerome Simmons*Kevin Leonard*Uncle George Gaston*Santiago Tunon*

© 2010 author, Nakia R. Laushaul
The Truth As I See It: In Poetry & Prose


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Kisha M. said...

Wow, a lot to think about. Anyone tell you you have a gift with prose and getting your point across. I am not a single mom but i can get into some stinking thinking and at sometimes fool myself to think that i can do something that im not designed to do. Have a good day.

Barracuda said...

I sympathize that the father of our child was not there, but as the father of a child who was PREVENTED from seeing his own child by the mother's greed and drug use, I always have to ask 'what role has mom played in all of this?'
There are two sides to every coin - likewise in relationships.
I TRIED to see my child and each time it was accompanied by coercion (i.e. "if you don't give us this much money (for drugs or cleansing chemicals- as I freely bought anything needed), we will report to the attorney general that we think you should be prevented from visitation based on (misc. exaggerated claims) to support her or her current boyfriend's drug habits (meth).

My parents were together for over 50 years, through thick and thin and for the sake of the family, as I planned on being with my family. I would have to hear the father's side before making a decision on whether or not you have a just claim to not wanting to take on ALL the responsibilities of father and mother to your child, as well as why you haven't replaced that man with a guy similar to me that works two full time jobs just to make ends meet for my current LADY.