Calling out the captain in you
Got my own mind/I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control
That’s right. Control.
But I’m not in control. I can’t be. See, I’m also a believer. I love me some God, even when we’re not seeing eye to eye. And I have to tell you: it hurts like hell. I mean that. Now that I’m all grown up, I’m no longer afraid of the dark. I’m pretty sure I’m afraid of what it represents. Fear. A heightened sense of self-preservation. The unknown.
I already told you I like being in the know. My inquisitive nature demands to know why God has left me out if the loop on my life.
But I also know that God won’t be swayed by my pouting, my tugging at his sleeve like a six year-old in the back seat asking “Are we there yet?” (And then five minutes later, asking again.) He knows what he’s doing.
And I am not in control. Neither are you, friend. God isn’t a vending machine. He’s looking at a master plan we have no idea how to handle. See, he’s like the air traffic controller. There’s a reason you can’t go into another air space. You might crash. There’s a reason you haven’t been cleared to land. Low lying fog might keep you from your destination.
I’m slowly (read: excruciatingly painfully) learning to like this lack of control thing and open myself up to God’s possibilities even when they don’t look like what I’d imagined. It’s not easy. Changing my perspective from the what to the who is hard, counterintuitive almost.
But for now, I’m just going to sit back and try to enjoy an in-flight flick from heaven as I hover.
Posted by Nakia, a Social Butterfly