Calling out the captain in you

Blog Hopping with a Social Butterfly
I’m sitting here thinking about that old Janet Jackson song, Control.
You know it … Sing it:

Got my own mind/I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control

Sigh. That would be me. I’m a big planner. I planned my December vacation in April. I like to be in control of what’s going to happen to me. Oddly, I’m not really concerned about other people–I’m not a control freak in that sense. But I want to be the captain. La capitana.

That’s right. Control.

But I’m not in control. I can’t be. See, I’m also a believer. I love me some God, even when we’re not seeing eye to eye. And I have to tell you: it hurts like hell. I mean that. Now that I’m all grown up, I’m no longer afraid of the dark. I’m pretty sure I’m afraid of what it represents. Fear. A heightened sense of self-preservation. The unknown.

I already told you I like being in the know. My inquisitive nature demands to know why God has left me out if the loop on my life.

But I also know that God won’t be swayed by my pouting, my tugging at his sleeve like a six year-old in the back seat asking “Are we there yet?” (And then five minutes later, asking again.) He knows what he’s doing.

And I am not in control. Neither are you, friend. God isn’t a vending machine. He’s looking at a master plan we have no idea how to handle. See, he’s like the air traffic controller. There’s a reason you can’t go into another air space. You might crash. There’s a reason you haven’t been cleared to land. Low lying fog might keep you from your destination.

I’m slowly (read: excruciatingly painfully) learning to like this lack of control thing and open myself up to God’s possibilities even when they don’t look like what I’d imagined. It’s not easy. Changing my perspective from the what to the who is hard, counterintuitive almost.

But for now, I’m just going to sit back and try to enjoy an in-flight flick from heaven as I hover.

Check out more from the witty and always entertaining author of Bloodlines, Dasaya Cates on her website

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