I Am Not Afraid

     I remember when I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of riding a bike. I was afraid of water (I still am). I was afraid of the monkey bars, I never learned to twirl under and over like my friends. I was afraid of dogs, cats, snakes, spiders, like I said—everything. Including my own voice. 

Do you want to know something strange? I have never, ever been afraid of people. There were some people that I should have been afraid of. Like the boy that lived across the street, he was older than me. He was bigger than me. He took my baby sister into his clubhouse and dared me come in. I kicked his clubhouse repeatedly. He came out and beat me up. The white of my eye bled red and on top of that he gave me a nice black and green shiner. Whatever! The important part of the story is that he gave me back my little sister.

Like I said before, I have never, ever been afraid of people. I will confront people and situations that I think, and I’m no saint, are wrong. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. You see God created me, He fashioned me from His very own breath. Before I knew the word, the word lived in me, dormant, but it was there. As a child, I didn’t know that the word said, “whom shall I fear?” Psalm 27:1. Because I know today, how much stronger do you think I am now? Because you know, how much stronger are you?

For the last time, I have never been afraid of people, nor the generational curses we carry within us. I have had some really ugly experiences lately that have tested my faith and what I know to be the truth. From those experiences, I decided that I have had enough, it's time to raise my voice even louder. You see, The Truth As I See It has opened doors for other hurting people to reach out to me, to touch someone tangible that can relate and understand. I can't tell you how many times since this book has come out that I've heard, "I understand, I can relate, ME TOO! Now what do I do?" about the poems that were especially hard for me to write. I've heard alot of these comments from our youth. The time is now for us to stop being afraid of the demons of our ancestors. Don't be afraid to halt the haunting of our future by speaking up today. Say what is true, now! Don't live blanketed in fear, so afraid to admit and commit to those you have wronged that you become a living—breathing lie. Fear won't solve the problems of our generation, but the truth will.

In the meantime, if you own a copy of THE TRUTH AS I SEE IT: In Poetry & Prose, I’d like for you to read the following: I Am Not Afraid (p. 22) & Deuteronomy (p. 98). As I go back and browse through The Truth, I begin to envision clearly God’s plan for me. He laid it out like the perfect blue print. You see, I thought I was just writing a stimulating book of poetry, I was actually writing my destiny! I found my voice and I know what to do with it. The life I've lived will not be in vain.

I AM NOT AFRAID (p.22)

I conquered fear a long time ago

I stood in my closet surrounded by weeping skeletons

Ferocious ghosts of ancestors past

Weary from their weight

I carried their burdens

So, I packed

I packed them

Laid them to rest

Neatly in their respective graves

Oh, how I prayed

Prayed over restless souls

I am not afraid

Of me anymore.

It’s time to take back our families, our children, and our friends. Are you still with me? Well, let’s go to work then!

Turn off the faucet to fear.
Don’t be afraid.


Psalms 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

Why I Wrote THE TRUTH AS I SEE IT: IN POETRY & PROSE

On December 6, 2008, I put my pen in my hand and God forced me to be still long enough to get all the thoughts swirling in my heart, out on paper. Still, long enough so that for the very first time in my life I would see my dream, my purpose in life come to completion (Phil 1:6). Completion, not as in that's it, I am done, because I will do it again. This is the just the beginning for me. I will write a series of books surrounding what else, healing.

I've been through alot. I've done some things I am not proud of. I've been places in my mind that I would never wish to visit again. I want you to know that God has promised me there will healing in exchange for me exposing my pain to you. This book is my first assignment in an effort to pull back the curtains on generational curses and self-defeat. I take this very seriously, what you read is not anger, nor is it frustration, but passion burning ferverently inside me. Until I see generational curses, lies, struggles with low self-esteem,  dysfunctional youth, dysfunctional parents, and relationships that bind your mind set free, I will write.

Get used to me, I plan to be around a long time out of love an empathy for you and out of obedience to God. The Lord whispered every word in my left ear as I struggled through writing down my pain so personally for the world to see. But, I did it for you anyway. I prayed over every poem before I selected it for this collection. Please don't read THE TRUTH AS I SEE IT in order to dissect my life in an effort to figure out who I am talking about or where I fall short. Read for you, take what you need that applies to your life or the life of a loved one and you will see we've been together our entire lives. Whether I know you in the physical or not. Learn something from the things I've seen and be better for it. 

If I just so happen to touch you in some small way, let me know. I'm not "standing in the stone cold alone, naked of my leaves" for nothing (I Am A Tree, Pg 17). Don't forget that I am just like you, a beautiful and flawed human, a woman that has found her way through God.

Check out the video on YouTube for one of my favorite poems and as always park your thoughts: The Truth As I See It: Brink of Submission

Be Blessed!
Nakia R. Laushaul
author, The Truth As I See It: In Poetry & Prose
http://www.nakiarlaushaul.com/