Early Morning Musings

Friday, October 18, 2013 musing...


I don’t like chaos. I don’t like crowds because I don’t like fighting blindly for a spot no one owns. I don’t like hurt feelings or dissension so sometimes I just walk away before I can do unto others worse than they have done to me. I don’t like being afraid but I love to be alone which is where fear usually looks for me. I don’t like being fake but I understand its usefulness as a mask to hide behind. I hate being lied to but sometimes it’s better than confronting the truth that I really don’t want to know. I hate being paranoid but only at the helm of paranoia do I seek clarity. I don’t like digs and will only entertain blatant disregard for a short time. I don’t like cowards and so I speak my peace lest I become all the things I despise because no matter what, I do like me.

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The word love is so overused that is has become saturated and now it tastes like nothing.

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My childhood super sucked and I took that shit like a soldier. Here’s the thing, today I own—don’t cross the line because I’m not a kid anymore.

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Is love not more than a #hashtag?

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When you build a wall to protect yourself against one person be warned--everyone is now out there except for you.

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I have come to an understanding with myself that I will only excuse bad behavior if you directly apologize for it. No more just waving off how I feel for the sake of the perp's feelings. You don't have to grovel, but you do have to say, I'm sorry. Repeat offenders get let off too easy which leads to repeat victims. 

"When you ask for forgiveness it SHOULD be a humiliating and humbling experience so you won't forget NOT to do it again." - Pastor David Israel Madison


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Happy Birthday Dakota. I Miss Your Life...

The truth is ... There hasn't been a day since January 1st that I haven't thought of you. I am still struggling with acceptance, even though the reality of you being gone is painfully obvious. There is a huge void where your love and happiness used to be and way into the quiet there's this chaos that I don't know what to do with after the clock just stopped. I cherish every single memory like gold and occasionally, I enjoy a giggle when I think about all the wonderful things I miss about you.

1. I miss present time. You gave with much more excitement and enthusiasm than you received.
2. I miss seeing you wobble around the house, tiny feet slipping and sliding in my heels. Lol. I couldn't get my shoes off fast enough in order for you to put them on.
3. I miss seeing your eyes grow big when you'd see sweets.
4. I miss snuggling with you, because you were my baby.
5. I miss how you thought everything I did was good. You thought I was better than I am which encouraged me to live up to your high expectations because you were watching so closely.
6. I miss watching you be bold--your energy was contagious.
7. I miss watching you with Savannah and Austin, you were everything a little sister was supposed to be.
8. I miss watching you and J play, fight and make-up. You thought you were as tough as the big boys and you were.
9. I miss hearing you say, "I love you Kiki." It's funny how I still hear the words in your voice in my head and I find myself looking around for you because the distinct sound of your voice is too clear not to be real.
10. I miss receiving little notes from you and I wish that I had saved every last one of them; silly me for thinking that there would always be more. More words. More time. More laughs. More love. More of you.

I know that I am not alone and so many people miss you, especially your parents. And today on your birthday--we're all thinking of you and wishing for one more piece of cake and more peace...period.



**Currently there is a fundraiser to help build a park in Dakota's honor at Emmott Elementary School in Houston, Texas. Please check out Project Playground http://www.razoo.com/story/Project-Playground for more information or to donate.**





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WHY THE GHOSTS IN "WHITE HEAVEN WOMEN" ARE BLUE - A TRUE STORY

I had the pleasure of speaking with Jessie B. Tyson about her book. Intrigued and inspired, I invited her to tell you about it. "White Heaven Women," is on sale now. - Nakia, a Social Butterfly


WHY THE GHOSTS IN "WHITE HEAVEN WOMEN" ARE BLUE - A TRUE STORY 
by Jessie B Tyson

We were two teenagers, miles from civilization. The last bus had left long before schedule. Home was eight miles away. There were no street lights. We can't see the road to walk... but walk we must. A white car pulled up beside us and a cold ominous feeling ran through me, as if I'd been thrust into a freezer or a new ice age. The driver offered us a ride home. As we arrived at Barbara's village, I exited the car to see her safely across the now busy main street. 

A firm voice said, "Do NOT get back in that car!"

I turned to see who'd spoken. No one there. Tired, I ignored the warning and climbed in. The car slowed, turning deeper into the countryside. 

"You've driving the wrong way."

"No, I haven't," said the driver with a distasteful snigger.

I felt frightened. 

The voice spoke again. "Stay calm. Do not panic and do exactly as I tell you!"

The car halted in an unlit lane with no buildings nearby. The driver groped at my firm young body. I cried and beseeched God to help me, not wanting to lose my virginity through an assault. 

"God will not help you girl!" laughed my vile attacker.

Suddenly, a brilliant burst of blue light lit the lane. I noticed a female hovering three feet from the ground, her arms outstretched toward me. She was glowing blue! Electricity seemed to burn through my veins. I felt fortified with the strength of an army. 

The voice dictated what I must do. "Turn in your seat, pound his face with your feet, exit the car, break the car aerial off, pretend it's a knife, push it against his gut and say, 'Touch me again and I'll stick this knife right through you!' "

All the while, the glowing blue female hovered, arms out stretched toward me. I did everything the voice told me. Speechless, the man returned to his car and drove away. 
Trembling, I headed toward my village as the brilliant blue light guided my way. 

The voice returned. "He's coming back. Quick, jump into the meadow, crouch down and hide."
Strangely, I felt no pain as long thorny spikes ripped at my clothes and face as I dived through the bushes headfirst as if into a swimming pool. 

The man yelled, "Come on girl. I will not hurt you. I'll take you home."

"Hush. Stay quiet 'til he's gone then amble toward the main street. You know the way. You played here as a child." 

I wondered how the voice knew this.

I scurried alongside the hedgerow 'til I reached a solitary house and pounded on the door. "Help, I've been attacked. Please call the police," I pleaded.

An elderly man let me inside. My attacker drove away. 

The voice whispered into my ear, "Bye my dear. You're safe now." 

I turned, hoping to see my unearthly adviser and saw no one. I glanced down the lane...and the Lady in the blue light had just vanished!

I never saw this “blue lady” again. THAT night influenced my debut, WHITE HAVEN WOMEN. I mean, what other colour would I use for the ghostly angels after this experience?

Available in Kindle and Paperback versions. 
Purchase WHITE HEAVEN WOMEN links below. 

Kindle e-book:- http://www.amazon.com/White-Heaven-Wo... 

(Coupon Code: AR99V until 31st Aug)  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/341066



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Redefine Your Bookshelf

There are millions of books on Amazon. And at this very moment Running from Solace is #3,236. Not bad, considering that today is the 1 year eve of the day I slid my two-week notice across the conference room table. I've been the CEO of Me since that day. God is Faithful. In honor of the occasion, let's sell some books! I write. You read.


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